I found it!

I was in first year college when Tatay gave it to me, but I lost it, not even able to use it for one day. He handed it to me before I went to back the city.

How I lost it, was vague. Maybe I just misplaced it in one of my envelopes, together with some of my documents, belongings, and senseless stuffs, or left it while riding in a bus.

But this noon, while searching for my grades to fill up the evaluation form I am to submit on the next day, a thing fell when I get the plastic envelope inside the messy cabinet. It was a small, black, shiny and rectangular. I found it! It was what Tatay gave me two years ago—a music player.

I can still remember when every time I return home, he used to ask me about his gift. I just tell him that I leave it in my boarding house. My papa and sister also did, but I just confidently said that it’s kept in me, and stored with more songs.

I checked it, very clear and identical, the songs are truly ‘Tatak Tatay’—those from The Eagles, Scorpions, Firehouse, Queen, Deep Purple, Bon Jovi, Elvis Presley, Elton John, Roxette, Rod Stewart, Danity Kane, and more of the 70s and 80s.

At home, I often heard him singing the songs of those bands and icons, and those were what he always play on the CD or DVD player. That’s why we are influenced to sing the kinds also.

Now, I have nothing to hide. The next time I go back home, I will confidently show them that the mp is alive, and promise, I’ll take care of it, Tay!

He will come

I’m already 18 years old, and I will be turning 19 soon...I’ve always been teased by my friends why until now I don’t have boyfriend yet.

Actually, I always say that I don’t know how to run a life engaging in a mutual kind of relationship. Sometimes I say, ‘because I don’t want to cry for the person’, or ‘because my parents won’t allow me to’, or because 'my friends thought that I am a serious girl and has vision'…all those reasons, etcetera, etcetera…

Not bragging but there have been a lot of them who asked me to be their girl, but none moved my heart, none of them convinced my thoughts and emotion, because I know that none of them will stay longer with me and will never love me truly.

I am not an easy to get girl to honestly say. I don’t easily believe to the honeyed words of males. Before I decide to say “no” or “yes”, I want to make sure that what I utter comes from what I truly feel.

It’s not saying that I am choosy, but I just want to make sure that I made the right thing, and I’ve chosen the right man.

But everything changes after realizing that I’m already a lady, or a lady? To have a boyfriend is one of my requests now that I step on in this stage. When I see girls with their special someone walking, eating, going to church, roaming, talking, and those other forms that shows they are lovers, I get jealous.

I told my self that I also want to experience the same thing. I want to know the feeling of being fetched and sent back to the house; the occasions that you and your man are eating and watching movies together; the feeling of being cared, that all the time, someone is thinking how and where you are; the feeling that you think you are beautiful and blessed because there is someone who truly loves and accepts you no matter who and what you are.

When will I experience that? When will that time be? When will I consider my self a lady? When will I have someone to be called as my boyfriend? When will that time come that I would be proud to shout to every ear that “this is my boyfriend!” Until when will I wait for him?

I know God will give me the perfect moment and the perfect man that I have long been waiting for. I know he will come, he will come, and I just have to patiently wait. I will wait for you, and promise, I will love you.

I’m not rushing to have that someone in my life, to tell everybody that ‘this is my man!’… but I’m sure it will happen to me.

Falling for someone

It’s hard to fall in love. I can’t sleep well at night because I’m searching for him. But he’s the wrong guy, we can’t be together. He loves another maybe, but I love him so much.

I never experienced this kind of feeling when I was in high school, only now that I’m growing mature. I can’t understand this; I am even ashamed to share this with others.

I see this guy everyday, but every time I take a glimpse of him, it’s as if nothing is within me. I am a pretender, but at the back of everything, there’s no second when I can’t think of him. He is everything to me. He is conquering my thought, that’s why I can’t concentrate with what I’m doing.

I don’t want to be in love, especially with him. We are far different from each other. He is the typical “habulin” ng girls, while I, “nakuh! walang gusto’ng magkamali”.

But it’s ok, I’m happy with my life. Though I have no boyfriend since birth, but I’m contented being single this time. I know God has destined me the right man. I don’t have to wait, because he will come in an unexpected time, if not soon, then at the right moment.

If it’s not His plan now to make me involve into relationships, so I must accept and follow. He has the best timing and He knows everything. I just need to trust in His will.

Value of a secret

People confidently entrust me their secrets, but why can’t I share to them mine?

One big thing I discover about me is my being secretive. Yes, I can assure that people can rely on me to keep their top revelations, but I found it hard to trust them, to tell the things and problems I keep holding, to share my emotions.

Even to my friends, even to my closest, I don't know how to trust. That’s why I don’t have a best friend because for me, no one can be trusted except mama and papa. I cannot even trust my younger sister because I know, she doesn’t keep secrets.

That’s why I feel free and contented keeping my veil of secrets between me and my self alone. I found it better to keep secrets within my boundary.

And thank God that as time passes, I just noticed that my worries and aches are easily vanishing because I solved it my own.

I keep inside me the value of a secret, though some might find it difficult to understand this.

To have him

I really wanted to have him...

...a brother preferably the one older than me, so he can protect me and I can have him whenever I want a company of a man; so I will have someone to be called as "kuya" or "manong" at home, aside from cousins.

The need for a brother is felt in a family with an all-female siblings, like us. In fact, Papa wanted to have a son to retain his surname, but it was not granted. God gave them the Marias.

Though we are all female, I still consider it a blessing. I know I cannot have sisters as bubbly, bright and funny as what I have now. They are definitely, the best girls!

And because I have no brother, I’m clinging on to the male friends I have, whom some are already considered as my real brothers.

Sorry

I’m sorry for having neglected you for six days before I finally discovered your condition. You got rotten because I ignored you. You became useless because I left you in the corner.

Swear, I was not able to notice you 'cause I was busy this few days. You were thrown to the garbage because you turned out smelly.

I’m sorry banana, I didn't give you attention. I’m sorry Pa for the fruit you sent me were all turned out black and soft.

But I didn’t regret in letting those long yellows stay in my room for almost a week before it get bored and finally left me.

Though I can find many similar to it in the markets, those were the special ones for it came from our place, and it was my father who searched and bought it just for me, but then I was not able to taste it.

Good!

This Christmas vacation, papa had opened to us that there came a time when he felt entering politics again, especially when he was suede by the other politicians to run as councilor this election. He added that he was cautious to say "yes" or "no" before the deadline of the filing of candidacy.

Papa served for 9 years as councilor in La Libertad. Within that term, I’ve observed how people come and go to our house, look for him, and asked for assistance. I’ve also found out the real attitude of people. Not only some, but there are many who are abusive.

Papa is a kind of person who easily feels mercy to whom he think needs help, then he immediately give, no matter what, even if nothing's left in his pocket.

This is a weakness I see in papa. Madali lang siyang mapaniwala ng tao na sila ay naghihirap, madaling ma-uto, madaling madala sa arte ng marami, masyadong mapagbigay. He's too generous.

But nevertheless, we are happy that he made the right decision. I've been bearing in mind since high school that politics is the dirtiest thing in the society, and that is caused by the politicians themsleves. We salute his choice of not running this May, and for that, we continue our support to papa's plans forthe next years.

Papa's one-term service is enough for me, and I don't want him to be back on that business again. I believe, something good out there is waiting for him aside from politics. We just want him to keep away from the walls of that affair.

We love you pa!

Good!

This Christmas vacation, papa had opened to us that there came a time when he felt entering politics again, especially when he was suede by the other politicians to run as councilor this election. He added that he was cautious to say "yes" or "no" before the deadline of the filing of candidacy.

Papa served for 9 years as councilor in La Libertad. Within that term, I’ve observed how people come and go to our house, look for him, and asked for assistance. I’ve also found out the real attitude of people. Not only some, but there are many who are abusive.

Papa is a kind of person who easily feels mercy to whom he think needs help, then he immediately give, no matter what, even if nothing's left in his pocket.

This is a weakness I see in papa. Madali lang siyang mapaniwala ng tao na sila ay naghihirap, madaling ma-uto, madaling madala sa arte ng marami, masyadong mapagbigay. He's too generous.

But nevertheless, we are happy that he made the right decision. I've been bearing in mind since high school that politics is the dirtiest thing in the society, and that is caused by the politicians themsleves. We salute his choice of not running this May, and for that, we continue our support to papa's plans for the next years.

Papa's one-term service is enough for me, and I don't want him to be back on that business again. I believe, something good out there is waiting for him aside from politics. We just want him to keep away from the walls of that affair.

We love you pa!

Amanda

It’s funny how my younger sister, Amanda says and means things in the opposite. One best example of that is closing and opening of the door. “Sirado” for her is opening, while “abre” means closing. So when she tells me, “Ate sirad-e!” what she wants me to do, is to open the door.

Amanda is really talkative though she can hardly speak. In the vernacular, she’s one of those “yungit” children. She is always teased by my uncles and aunties as “Manda, amang, apa!” but she’s maldita and instead, responds by saying, “bahaya mo, nawong mo abat-abat!”

She’s fond of talking but most of her words are not easily understood. Despite that, we are already used into the way she speaks. That’s what makes Amanda different from other family members.

Another remarkable word of Amanda is “yamat”. Instead of “thank you” which is difficult for her to utter, she says “yamat ra.”

She’s the closest to me, and she really gets the attention of everybody because of her attitude.

Balak daw

My sister asked me to write a one-stanza Balak (in English, Tagalog and Cebuano) which uses mathematical terms as their assignment. I made this in 45 minutes, and it’s up to her if she’ll submit this piece.

Oh woman of my thoughts and dreams
You add life and took me out of these pains
You paralleled my broken scene
And multiplied the happiness in me.


Oh babae sa aking panaginip
Dinagdagan mo ng kulay ang puso’ng nawadlit
Pinaresan ang nasaktang damdamin
At pinarami ang kasiyahan sa ‘king daigdig.


Oh babaye sa akong panumduman
Nga midunga’g pagmaya sa mapit-os nga dughan
Imu’ng gi paresan ang gugma’ng nasakitan
Ug gipilo-pilo ang kalipay nga nahiaguman.