Si Kuya Manong

To recall, he took summer classes to have advance study of his subjects, but this semester, he withdrew his payment. We’re supposed to be in the same year level, 3rd year, but he stopped to pursue his ambition of becoming an army.

One thing I will never forget about him is when he asked me of how many units are left in my prospectus. He always bragged to me that there are only 20 remaining units left for him to finish college.

Since he’s an ROTC officer in their school, he’s very conscious with his physical appearance. He always asked me about his skin color, hair, and body (if he’s getting fat now or thinner).

Another thing that will also never be erased in mind is the way he calls me “PB”. This is supposed to be my original nickname, but it was changed to different names because of many inventions by our neighbors and relatives. Of all my cousins, he is the only one who calls me that name, all the time.

Now, I have no more cousin to visit in Locsin St, to ask for what mama and papa had sent for me.

By January, he will be heading for Tarlac to start his training, to make his dreams into a reality. He told me that he can only return after two years, as mandated in their constitution.

My cousin who is fond of cooking and experimenting recipes will be leaving the family. I’m sure, the next time I see him, he’ll be more mature and tough. But in character, I know he’ll still be the same Mandy na “chiksboy”, “kuripot”, at panay “nagpapalibre”.

Aalis na si Kuya Manong, maghihintay na lang kami ng ilang taon bago siya bumalik.

Back in His arms

I was raised from a God-fearing family, a family which constantly calls God’s name. But as I mature, I find my self standing miles away from Him.

I remember I was two years old when I started regularly going to church. My very religious auntie brought me to church. On Sundays, mama chose my dress, while papa prepared my food. It showed their being supportive to my spiritual life.

At a young age, my face is common in the Catholic Church of our town. I started getting involved in church activities. I was active especially on Sundays when we were the assigned sponsors and in-charge of the readings, offerings, and.

Though still young, I already had the confidence to read the bible in front of many people, collecting donations from church goers, started offering flowers and candles.

When I was in elementary, believe it or not, I become one of the members of “Lourdes”, an organization of women devoting themselves following the principles of Mary Magdalene. I underwent series of religious initiations, until finally, I become an official member. The elders placed in my waist a blue soft belt, and they presented me to everybody on that gathering.

We wore all white dresses with sky blue belt, which is consecrated by the priest. On Saturdays was our schedule of service to the church. Majority of the members are old, and I don’t know how I was able to jive with them.

Part of my being religious was attending rosary services every afternoon (called “barangay” in our place). Yes, I was always present, and many times I was the leader of the rosary.

During Flores de Mayo, I was always the first honor because of my expertise with prayers, mysteries, characters and events in the Bible.

I was on high school when I started attending masses in my own, but this time, all the things I used to do started to change. It was the start of my rebellion, and I found my self very far from Him. If not because of the Mass cards in which we were required to submit every Monday with the priest’s signature during the Sunday mass, I won’t go to church. I felt the laziness in going to church. Waking up early in the morning on Sundays is already tiring for me.

When I was specifically in third year, I attended masses in my own church, because I was baptized in an Aglipay church, not in the usual church. Being new to the group, the church immediately gave me a challenge to be active in its activities. I was elected president of the youth organization and to represent the church in meetings and gatherings in other places with leaders from other parishes.

For two years, I lead the group. But as years passed, I became busy with other stuffs, like going to other places with friends. I became inactive with church works. I did not go to church even on holy days. I realized that I was growing up so bad.

Until I joined a one-week camp in Cebu that was different from all the camps I attended. It changed my view in life. That was the only camp wherein I let go of everything—my regrets, disappointments, anger, envy, the hurts, etcetera. Though still new, I did feel that I was very much welcome to that group. I had a great boding with the participants from different parts of the Visayas.

After the seminar, I realized so many things, and two of the best things there are “that you are precious in the eyes of God”, and the other is that…”God is pulling us towards him, but we are the ones making him far from us.”

Because of that, I gained more trust that God really loves me and willing to accept me back. Now as I continue this life trying to be independent, I know God will be happy seeing that once ‘His lost daughter will be back in his arms.

I’m striving to be everyday present in his house, or light candles every time I have something to thank, or if I’m asking for an important thing, especially the courage to go on with my life.

I want to be close to His arms again.

Ang pasaway kong kapatid

I received a text message from mama this noon that my good sister did a kind of foolishness last night.

Mama said that they [my sister and her mates] will only present a dance on the fiesta of a certain barangay in our town, as said by my sister when she asked permission from them [mama and papa] and return right after their number.

But she did not the follow with the agreement. She returned home at dawn already. And worst, she got drunk (through her smell).

I really got angry when I read the text. If I’m only home that time, I can’t imagine what I’ve done to her. She’s only 13, and she knows drinking sessions already.

Now, I realized that her friends are of bad influence to her. I don’t want to be judgmental but they’re who I think was the start of all. I don’t want to be strict when it comes to who my sister will befriend of. I don’t want to dictate who her companions should be, but I just want to make sure that she’s in good hands, comparing to the same friends I had when in was at the same age.

But I hope that she will realize what the possible consequences may be in doing this act, especially that she’s still young. I know it’s not too late to change and to clean her image.

Despite that, I still love my sister. Though we’re very different from each other, I still accept her. That shows her imperfection as a human being, but she’s a still a perfect sister to me, to the four of us, and a daughter to mama and papa.

Kahit pasaway, love ka pa rin namin ray!

“Salamat Ma, Pa”

Sa dihang nagbitay pa ko sa tumoy sa pampang
Hangtod nga sa dihang nisulod ko sa mangitngit nga langub
Nabatyag ko na kung unsa ka lalum ug kadako
Ang inyong paghigugma ug paghatag ug importansya kanako.

Sa unang pagbuka sa akong mga mata
Wala’y laing nakita kundili ang inyong maanyag nga hitsura
Nga sa ako nagbiay-biay ug kanunay nagbantay
Sa paglakaw sa maanindot nga dalan apan puno sa katalagman.

Sa unang higayon nga ako naka-litok ug pulong
Wala’y laing nasangpit kundili mama ug papa
Nga nagpasabot kanako sa dakong kamatuoran
Nga kani silang duha ang nagdala kanako diri sa kalibutan.

Sa unang higayon nga nagamit nako ang akong dalunggan
Wala’y laing nadungog kundili ang pagsampit ninyo sa akong ngalan
Inubanan sa kusog nga katawa ug kalipay
Isip pagpasalamat nga ako nidagsa sa inyong panimalay.

Sa unang pag ginhawa sa hangin nga presko
Sa akong ilong wala’y laing nahanggab
Kundili ang mahumot nga baho sa palibot
Nga puno sa paghigugma ug walay kayugot.

Sa padayon nakong pagpakig-away niining kalibutan
Wala’y laing nasulod sa huna-huna kundili ang inyong mga gipangtambag
Nga kanunay magsakripisyo, mu salig sa kaugalingon
Ug musampit sa iyang ngalan sa kahitas-an.

Nidako akong usa ka maayong tawo ug ihimplo sa uban
Pinaagi sa inyong mga giya, disiplina ug paghigugma kanako
Dili ko karon mahiaguman ning maong kalampusan
Kung wala ako nagtubo sa inyong kiliran.

Ug sa katapusan, bisan paman sa akong kamatayon
Wala’y laing mabuhat ug masulti sa inyong atubangan
Kundili ang paghatag ug dakong pasalamat
Nga kamo ang akong nahimong mga ginikanan—ma, pa.

My innocent little angels

I would rather see myself lying in a hospital bed than seeing my little sisters suffering…

I grow up witnessing how my younger sisters learn and grow. We built a bond at home that is different from the typical ones. We have a bigger age gap that’s why they treat me more than a sister, but a second mother. I bathe them, prepare their food, assist them in eating, wash their “dedes”, tell them stories, and play with them.

But that was before I entered college. The need for me to study in a far place separated me from them. I can only go home once every two months but I always make sure that we spend quality time together.

Every time I walk to the highway and wait for a bus or van to take me back to Dumaguete, I always feel empty being away from my little playmates.

Though I’ve been staying in the city for three years now, I never experienced crying so much just because of one reason— missing them. If only it is possible, I want to see them again, to laugh with them, to sing, read and play with them. But I can do nothing but to bear with this loneliness. Every day, there’s always that emptiness in me.

But it was lessened when one afternoon I received numerous text messages from Mama and Auntie that they are in the city with my sisters. I was happy of course, for at last, I will be with them. But their purpose of coming is not good news for me. It was painful to hear that they came here to confine my two younger sisters in the hospital—one who is 2 years and 5 months old, and the other is 1 year old.

I felt so low for a moment but I immediately rushed to the hospital, leaving my work unfinished. Then, there I saw Papa, the unusual image of a father, maybe brought only by the situation.

Then he showed me the way that led to where our youngest was—emergency room. I saw two nurses putting dextrose on her hand. I can’t take the scene that’s why I never watched the process, while my other sister was in the pediatric ward, weak and pale. A nurse came nearer and injected her on the right finger to get 30 drops of blood from that portion for lab examination.

Tears then started to fall from both eyes of my sisters. Every time I see them cry, shouting because of pain, I can’t help but cry too. Pity for our two angels slowly dominated my emotion for I was not used to seeing them in that condition.

They stayed in the same room, and minute by minute, nurses and student-nurses got inside, checking their conditions. Nebulizer machines were beside their cribs, for every four hours, they need to undergo that session, since medical tests show that their blood is filled with bacteria which caused pneumonia. My other five year old sister was also there, taking care of her other sisters, sacrificing her time in going to school.

Because that chapter of our lives challenged my sisters’ strength and fighting spirit, I devoted my time serving them without attending my classes.

Everyday was a challenge for them to fight against that illness, and thank God, everyday was a process of development, slowly recovering from the pains they are suffering.

Until the 5th day, I saw their smiles again. The smiles which I missed so much, the smiles that would assure me that they’re fine, that they are in good health, and that they are happy. Finally on the 7th day, they were released from the hospital.

The time, effort and money were worth it, for it showed that the family is willing to provide everything just to make them feel that lives are important. That incident taught us a lesson; and it also gave me a chance to be with them again, even in just a short span of time.

Ate is here

When you're down and lonely
Feelin’ tired and neglected by everybody
Thinking that the world is your enemy
No one strives to stay than ate.

If someone’s hurting you badly,
When troubled and sensing worthless
Keep in mind that for you I am ready
To fight and defend what battle it may be.

Everything that happened has reasons
But there’s always a way out
Remember that you are loved and cared
By ate who is always here.

You’ll be forever my angels
My strength and inspiration
My little sisters
That can never be found anywhere in this world.

So don’t be afraid
Never worry on things unexpected
As long as ate is here
You are constantly protected.

You’re not alone
We’ll face all problems with joined hands
And take this journey until the end
Because I know we can, we can do it!