Falling for someone

It’s hard to fall in love. I can’t sleep well at night because I’m searching for him. But he’s the wrong guy, we can’t be together. He loves another maybe, but I love him so much.

I never experienced this kind of feeling when I was in high school, only now that I’m growing mature. I can’t understand this; I am even ashamed to share this with others.

I see this guy everyday, but every time I take a glimpse of him, it’s as if nothing is within me. I am a pretender, but at the back of everything, there’s no second when I can’t think of him. He is everything to me. He is conquering my thought, that’s why I can’t concentrate with what I’m doing.

I don’t want to be in love, especially with him. We are far different from each other. He is the typical “habulin” ng girls, while I, “nakuh! walang gusto’ng magkamali”.

But it’s ok, I’m happy with my life. Though I have no boyfriend since birth, but I’m contented being single this time. I know God has destined me the right man. I don’t have to wait, because he will come in an unexpected time, if not soon, then at the right moment.

If it’s not His plan now to make me involve into relationships, so I must accept and follow. He has the best timing and He knows everything. I just need to trust in His will.

Value of a secret

People confidently entrust me their secrets, but why can’t I share to them mine?

One big thing I discover about me is my being secretive. Yes, I can assure that people can rely on me to keep their top revelations, but I found it hard to trust them, to tell the things and problems I keep holding, to share my emotions.

Even to my friends, even to my closest, I don't know how to trust. That’s why I don’t have a best friend because for me, no one can be trusted except mama and papa. I cannot even trust my younger sister because I know, she doesn’t keep secrets.

That’s why I feel free and contented keeping my veil of secrets between me and my self alone. I found it better to keep secrets within my boundary.

And thank God that as time passes, I just noticed that my worries and aches are easily vanishing because I solved it my own.

I keep inside me the value of a secret, though some might find it difficult to understand this.

To have him

I really wanted to have him...

...a brother preferably the one older than me, so he can protect me and I can have him whenever I want a company of a man; so I will have someone to be called as "kuya" or "manong" at home, aside from cousins.

The need for a brother is felt in a family with an all-female siblings, like us. In fact, Papa wanted to have a son to retain his surname, but it was not granted. God gave them the Marias.

Though we are all female, I still consider it a blessing. I know I cannot have sisters as bubbly, bright and funny as what I have now. They are definitely, the best girls!

And because I have no brother, I’m clinging on to the male friends I have, whom some are already considered as my real brothers.

Sorry

I’m sorry for having neglected you for six days before I finally discovered your condition. You got rotten because I ignored you. You became useless because I left you in the corner.

Swear, I was not able to notice you 'cause I was busy this few days. You were thrown to the garbage because you turned out smelly.

I’m sorry banana, I didn't give you attention. I’m sorry Pa for the fruit you sent me were all turned out black and soft.

But I didn’t regret in letting those long yellows stay in my room for almost a week before it get bored and finally left me.

Though I can find many similar to it in the markets, those were the special ones for it came from our place, and it was my father who searched and bought it just for me, but then I was not able to taste it.

Good!

This Christmas vacation, papa had opened to us that there came a time when he felt entering politics again, especially when he was suede by the other politicians to run as councilor this election. He added that he was cautious to say "yes" or "no" before the deadline of the filing of candidacy.

Papa served for 9 years as councilor in La Libertad. Within that term, I’ve observed how people come and go to our house, look for him, and asked for assistance. I’ve also found out the real attitude of people. Not only some, but there are many who are abusive.

Papa is a kind of person who easily feels mercy to whom he think needs help, then he immediately give, no matter what, even if nothing's left in his pocket.

This is a weakness I see in papa. Madali lang siyang mapaniwala ng tao na sila ay naghihirap, madaling ma-uto, madaling madala sa arte ng marami, masyadong mapagbigay. He's too generous.

But nevertheless, we are happy that he made the right decision. I've been bearing in mind since high school that politics is the dirtiest thing in the society, and that is caused by the politicians themsleves. We salute his choice of not running this May, and for that, we continue our support to papa's plans forthe next years.

Papa's one-term service is enough for me, and I don't want him to be back on that business again. I believe, something good out there is waiting for him aside from politics. We just want him to keep away from the walls of that affair.

We love you pa!

Good!

This Christmas vacation, papa had opened to us that there came a time when he felt entering politics again, especially when he was suede by the other politicians to run as councilor this election. He added that he was cautious to say "yes" or "no" before the deadline of the filing of candidacy.

Papa served for 9 years as councilor in La Libertad. Within that term, I’ve observed how people come and go to our house, look for him, and asked for assistance. I’ve also found out the real attitude of people. Not only some, but there are many who are abusive.

Papa is a kind of person who easily feels mercy to whom he think needs help, then he immediately give, no matter what, even if nothing's left in his pocket.

This is a weakness I see in papa. Madali lang siyang mapaniwala ng tao na sila ay naghihirap, madaling ma-uto, madaling madala sa arte ng marami, masyadong mapagbigay. He's too generous.

But nevertheless, we are happy that he made the right decision. I've been bearing in mind since high school that politics is the dirtiest thing in the society, and that is caused by the politicians themsleves. We salute his choice of not running this May, and for that, we continue our support to papa's plans for the next years.

Papa's one-term service is enough for me, and I don't want him to be back on that business again. I believe, something good out there is waiting for him aside from politics. We just want him to keep away from the walls of that affair.

We love you pa!

Amanda

It’s funny how my younger sister, Amanda says and means things in the opposite. One best example of that is closing and opening of the door. “Sirado” for her is opening, while “abre” means closing. So when she tells me, “Ate sirad-e!” what she wants me to do, is to open the door.

Amanda is really talkative though she can hardly speak. In the vernacular, she’s one of those “yungit” children. She is always teased by my uncles and aunties as “Manda, amang, apa!” but she’s maldita and instead, responds by saying, “bahaya mo, nawong mo abat-abat!”

She’s fond of talking but most of her words are not easily understood. Despite that, we are already used into the way she speaks. That’s what makes Amanda different from other family members.

Another remarkable word of Amanda is “yamat”. Instead of “thank you” which is difficult for her to utter, she says “yamat ra.”

She’s the closest to me, and she really gets the attention of everybody because of her attitude.